September 28, 2011

Hi everyone,

Today my son looked at me (he was about to receive some chocolate chips) and announced "I am three, so I can have three."

"That seems right to me"  Say I. "How many can Charlotte have?"

"One."

"Why?"

"Because she is one."

"Of course.  How old is mommy?"

"You are five.  You can have five."

Many women would have been flattered.  I just felt gypped out of quite a bit of chocolate.

So, where to start?  Let's start with the small, and work up to the big.

Charlotte is definitely small, but getting bigger every day.  She speaks--in words only I can understand, mind you, but still.  Should any of you come to visit this glossary will help:

Booo: Boob.  As in, give me some boob.
Booooa:  Boom.  As in, I fell down, now give me some boob.
Chglahlah: Chocolate.  As in, give me some chocolate, it's the only thing in the world better than boob.
Dada:  Daddy.  As in, Hello Daddy, give me back to Mommy so I can have some boob.
Eya:  Elliot.  As in, Hello oh God of my idolatry, greatest thing in my existence, paragon of all to which I aspire, teach me thy ways and let me back in thy wisdom.  

Charlotte is a rough and tumble little girl.  I have heard stories of my childhood, that involve me leaping from things in the assurance that I will be okie-fine.  I say, with a certain amount of confidence, that Charlotte has inherited this tendency from me.  It's funny, because Elliot has always been such a delicate, cautious little dude.  I never really worried that he would injure himself from over enthusiasm.  WIth Charlotte I worry about it almost every day.

She's a cheerful little person.  People that she likes are greeted with giant smiles, everyone else she stares at mistrustfully until coming to some inner personal judgement about them, where upon she either demands to be picked up or avoids them like they don't exist.  That's my baby, already versed in the fine art of the cold shoulder.  I don't know if it's just her nature, or if she's learning things from Elliot, but she's already much more manipulative than he was at this age.  She perfectly capable of noticing that no one is paying attention to her, and then calculating whether a well timed shriek or a well placed adorable smile is more likely to get her noticed.  

In some ways Elliot gets a way better deal - he doesn't nap, he gets to stay up later, almost all the toys are technically "his" and he can actually ask us for what he wants, which means he tends to get it in a timely fashion.  But in some ways he gets a worse deal.  Waxor and I have started scolding him for pulling stunts to get attention, but we tend to smile indulgently when Charlotte does it.  Of course, we smiled indulgently when Elliot was 1.5, too, but HE doesn't know that, and I think he feels the difference.

Elliot has gotten over some of the snit he was in all summer.  We went through a few months there where every other day was melt-down central.  Now I have my sweet boy back, at least, almost.  I think it's helped that Waxor and I are making a conscious effort to pay more positive attention to him, not because he's acting out, but just a few minutes here and there every day.  He still decides to lose it about once a day, but I've gotten to where that's easier to handle and we just move on afterwards, instead of that being the beginning of a day of horror.  

Elliot can now use the computer all by himself.  Not fully, of course, but Waxor bookmarked a Thomas the Train page for him, and Elliot can open up firefox and click the bookmark all by himself.  He also surfs youtube on his own, and yes, that does worry me a little bit.  Due to our lack of cable TV Elliot had never really been exposed to commercials, but you know what his favorite thing to watch on youtube is?  Yup, toy commercials.  Those advertisers are evil, evil geniuses.

Right now it's 10 am, and the kids have been up for about two hours.  Elliot has eaten a spoonful of peanut butter.  Charlotte has had a hot dog, half a cup of milk, another half a hot dog, a yogurt, about three tablespoons of peanut butter, and she's nursed.  Twice.  You'd think she'd be one of those little butterballs, but she isn't, she just a very normal sized little girl, maybe a bit on the skinny side. Which leads me to wonder - what exactly is Elliot fueling his body on?  Is he, in fact, a breathe-airean?  Because, seriously, the boy doesn't eat enough to stay alive.

On to the larger news... two items.

Item number ONE!  We are not moving to Seattle.  Most of you will be scratching your heads, wondering why that is news, but for those of you who have been in touch over the summer, the answer is no, we're not moving.  And yes, I am quite excited about that.  The prospect of buying a house over there had me all... jumpy.  Also, we've done all this work on our house (in case we needed to sell it) and I have to say, it's looking nice.  And I am looking forward to living it in for a while.

Item number TWO!  I have written a book.  Yes, seriously, a whole, entire, complete, actual book, hopefully the first in a series.  I'm taking fairy tales and writing humorous romantic adaptations.  While I think my chances of getting a publishing house to take it are above average (doesn't everyone think that?)  having looked into the realities of royalties (particularly in Romance publishing)  I have decided to go the self publishing route.  Hooray for Amazon and the Kindle, I say.  Anyway, It's up, now, on Amazon.  If you want to read it (because I have not inundated you with enough of my words, and you long for more) it's under my name and it's called Before the Midnight Bells.  Feel free to check it out.  Word of caution.  It really is a romance novel, if you don't care for the genre I wouldn't read it.  Just saying.

Also, if your read it and you like it, give part of the credit to Zanne.  She edited the book for me and it's about a gajillion times better for her work on it.

Why are you still reading this email?  Why are you not ALREADY READING MY BOOK?!

On a related note, does anyone know a book reviewer?  I can cold send it to a bunch of people, but then it goes in the slush pile, and who knows when it gets read, then...

[Interlude:

C: Mama?

J: What is it, Chazzie?

C: Boo (pats chest)

J:  No, you don't need boob right now.

C: Mama, boo. (pats chest even more emphatically)

J: Are you thirsty?  Do you want something to drink?

C: Hnyah

J: How about milk?

C:  Hnyah.

J: okay (gives Charlotte milk) there, is that better?

C: Hnyah

(J goes back to what she was doing)

C: Mama?

J: What do you need, Chaz?

C: Mor, Mama. Mor boo.

end of interlude.]

Oh, I forgot, in the background, Elliot was shrieking "She said BOOOOOOOOB!  She wants BOOOOOOOB!  She needs to take a naaaaaaaaaaaaaap!  Can I watch THOMAS NOW?!"

My son love Thomas the Train, and my daughter loves Shoes and Purses and Baby Dolls.  I did not do this on purpose.  I have always let Elliot play with the toys that appealed to him, whatever phase he was in, and, to be fair, he does like babies, and he likes carrying things in back packs, which I suppose is similar to a purse.  And Charlotte, of course, also enjoys trains and other wheeled vehicles.  But Elliot's favorite toy is a train, and Charlotte's favorite toy (aside, of course, from which ever toy Elliot has in his hand RIGHT THAT SECOND) is shoes, closely followed by dolls and purses.  As a parent raised on stories like "Baby X"  I feel like I've failed somehow.  But I cannot help it that Thomas is blue so Elliot likes blue, and Charlotte, like any sensible person, seems to have a preference for purple.  I cannot help that Elliot disdains dolls (although he likes real babies) in favor of steamies and diesels.  I cannot help that Charlotte is at her most blissfully happy when she has a sparkly purple purse draped over one arm, and is clopping around the house in someone else's shoes, calling "Bayyy-Bie?  Baaaaaaaayyyyy-bie?"

Also, my children are brilliant.  That is just a side note.  I have been told, by people who know these things, that they are merely developmentally on target, but I have seen a lot of the kids out there in their age groups.  I am convinced that my kids are teeny tiny little braniacs.

Do not tell me different.  

You are wrong.

Waxor is working on several project right at the moment.  He's still programming Bokku for the Big League Chew guy, and he's planning out a DnD game that he's going to run locally.  He's also been thinking about doing something crafty, and also geeky.  

One of my dear friends just had her very first baby, and another dear friend has just told everyone that she's expecting her very first baby, and I am going to get to see BOTH of them this fall, and I just found this out in the past 24 hours.  Isn't that awesome?

Doesn't that make the rest of you want to visit?  Or possibly procreate?  Or both?

OH, hey, speaking of visiting...  This year Waxor and I will NOT be throwing a Halloween party.  I have had some varying luck with them in the past, and this year I am just too tired to deal with it.  

Instead we are throwing a birthday party for ME!!!!  Now, to be fair, this party will be held on Saturday, Oct. 29th, and it is a themed party, and you are expected to come in costume.  But let us just be clear.  It is NOT a Halloween party.  It is a BIRTHDAY party.  For ME.

So, all of you are invited to my birthday party!  It's Oct. 29th, starts at 6 pm, here at 709 River St, Haverhill MA.  The party is Joss Whedon Themed, and if any of you just said "What?"  You are uninvited.  No.  I'm kidding.  But you have to go sit down and watch all of Firefly as a penance.  Waxor and I will be attending dressed as Spike and Drusilla, and if anyone feels inspired to go the Buffy-verse route we could use an Angelus.  All of Whedon's various creations are valid, however be advised that if you choose to go the X-Men comic route you will be cool, but no one will get it.

If you can't come, but would like to celebrate my birthday anyway, may I suggest you curl up with a good book?  Perhaps MY book?  Just a suggestion.

Going away now, before my head explodes.